Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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