i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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