Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
