woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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