He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
