I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
