I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
