dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
