I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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