The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
