bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
