So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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