I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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