if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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