life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
