should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
