you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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