So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
