I wish I only lived at night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
