Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
