Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
