Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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