to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you win again, gameday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
