oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
