I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You ate ashes out of my bong
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
