Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
