I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She said her name was "party"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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