so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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