So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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