I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
