it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
