Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
