I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
