is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
