mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
