Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
