Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
