What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
