she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
