I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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