My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
