if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
