One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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