Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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