i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
