Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
