one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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