Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
