Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
