Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
