mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
