My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
